Do you know what hurts most about a broken heart? not being able to remember how you felt before..

After watching the story so much, there's only so long you can go without being a part of it..
The year is ending and I hope this blog with it, I know I've said this before the whole 'Im done' thing..
And I meant it, it's just that, I like to write, it helps me, it's like draining the feeling, like when something it's so big in me, when I put it in writing it makes so much more sense, and I can control it, it's not all over my system, I can see it, and read it, and leave it there for a while, the thing is that it backfires on me sometimes, and I get stuck in the thinking about it and try to get it out, the only constant it's that I'm tired, seriously like sometimes it just doesn't even makes sense, this was kind of a journal to me, like some kind of arty space, some sort of catharsis, it was so great but at the same time, I think that after eight months of writing this kinda stuff, it's more than enough, it's okay, I think, I might can take it from here, I'm not sure, I mean this are feelings, it's not something I can control, but after all this 'letting go' I'm okay, I feel calm and ready, I also fear that nothing really ends at the end, I fear the this just keeps going as long as memory can wield it's ax, always finding a soft spot in my mind to cut through & enter, I guess I'll just have to find out eventually..

I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you're gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
I remember December
And I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you're gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
What the hell do you want?

As quiet as it is tonight you'd almost think you are saved, your eyes are full of surprises they cannot predict my fate waiting underneath the stars there's something you should know, the angels they surround my heart telling me to let you go
I bet he couldn't recognize, but I played right into it who am I to criticize somehow I'll get through it and you won't even realize falling through your own disguise
It's like over and over you're pushing me right down to the floor, I should just walk away.
Over and over I keep on coming back for more, I play into your fantasy, now that it's over you can lie to me right through your smile I've seen behind your eyes now I'm sober, no more intoxicating my mind
You almost proved yourself this time that all the saints be praised you hide your sadness behind your smile and you keep your lost heartbreaks the steps that edge along the ledge it's much higher than it seems that I've been on that ledge before you can't hide yourself from me, I've seen behind your eyes now I'm sober, no more intoxicating my mind
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, I do..